An exceptionally aggravating experience at Hampstead station on Saturday night prompted me to write to TFL this morning, which reminded me of another email I sent TFL in February but never got around to publish. I had just started making a list of funny excuses for line and station closures and wanted more information about the "trespasser on the train" excuse. So here it goes:
Sent: 17 February 2009 09:13
To: enquiry.tube; Enquire (TfL)
Subject: Trespassers
Dear TFL,
I have for some time been somewhat puzzled and intrigued by this
announcement you sometimes here on the tube: x line is suspended/delayed
due to a trespasser on the train. I'm not even sure I am hearing this
correctly - it seems so strange. Could you please explain what a train
trespasser actually is? Is it simply someone with out a ticket? And how
come it's such a security risk you have to suspend a line?
Much grateful for a reply.
Kind Regards
Little Miss Sunshine
dateSat, Feb 28, 2009 at 4:12 PM
subjectRE: Trespassers Our ref: 1002993758
Our ref: 1002993758
Date: 28.02.2009
Dear Little Miss Sunshine
Thank you for your email regarding our terminology. Please accept my apologies for the delay in responding to you. The actual term is 'tresspasser on track', This means an unauthorised person is on the tracks where trains run. This is a serious safety concern as the person could be struck by a train, as such the traction current (electricity) must be switched off in that section of the line and services suspended until the person is removed.
I hope I have answered your question. Please contact me again if you need any help in the future.
Yours sincerely,
Angharad Jennings-Slater
Customer Service Advisor
Customer Service Centre
As you can see the actual "excuse" is fair enough, it is only when it is used by illiterate tube workers that it becomes confusing.
I shall publish my latest email and accompanying story as soon as I receive the reply from the Customer Service Centre!
Happy tubing!
Monday 29 June 2009
Wednesday 10 June 2009
Bob Crow - you make me sick.
Admittedly I do not know the ins and outs of the new pay packages and job cuts that the TFL are offering their staff, and I am the first to claim that TFL is a poorly run company and any financial cuts needed are probably down to mismanagement and bad budget planning.
However someone needs to give Bob Crow a damn reality check. A station supervisor earns £35,000-£39,000, while a tube driver's starting salary is just over £40,000, according to TfL, and a station assistant can start on £29,000.
What the fuck are you arguing about?! Your union members are well paid and well protected. The rest of us – who not only have to travel on the piss poor and often rude service your member provide to get us to our, in comparison, badly paid jobs – don’t have the option to cry about the economic crisis or any job cuts our companies have to make.
IT’S CALLED CAPITALISM AND COMPETITION YOU COMMUNIST ASSHOLE! It’s a bit too late to start a communist revolution right now.
So get to work you lazy cunts and stop causing us hard working, honest and poorly paid workers more misery than you already are.
I suggest we all start harassing RMT worker on the tube – start asking if they are members and harass the hell out of them. Embarrass them by letting them know they are spoilt fuckwits who should try living in the real world where you don’t have big bad communist papa to cry to when you’re up for consultation and redundancy.
RMT members are fucking idiots and should all be sacked - clearly they are not only illiterate and uneducated they have no sense of work ethic or loyalty to the company which they work for.
However someone needs to give Bob Crow a damn reality check. A station supervisor earns £35,000-£39,000, while a tube driver's starting salary is just over £40,000, according to TfL, and a station assistant can start on £29,000.
What the fuck are you arguing about?! Your union members are well paid and well protected. The rest of us – who not only have to travel on the piss poor and often rude service your member provide to get us to our, in comparison, badly paid jobs – don’t have the option to cry about the economic crisis or any job cuts our companies have to make.
IT’S CALLED CAPITALISM AND COMPETITION YOU COMMUNIST ASSHOLE! It’s a bit too late to start a communist revolution right now.
So get to work you lazy cunts and stop causing us hard working, honest and poorly paid workers more misery than you already are.
I suggest we all start harassing RMT worker on the tube – start asking if they are members and harass the hell out of them. Embarrass them by letting them know they are spoilt fuckwits who should try living in the real world where you don’t have big bad communist papa to cry to when you’re up for consultation and redundancy.
RMT members are fucking idiots and should all be sacked - clearly they are not only illiterate and uneducated they have no sense of work ethic or loyalty to the company which they work for.
Friday 27 March 2009
TFL idiots…
I’m starting to think that TFL staff must be Gibbos (see whygibraltar.blogspot.com for details), there is just no other way of explaining the sheer stupidity of the employees.
First there was the closing of Bank station at 5.30 pm on a weekday a few weeks ago, because the trains made too much noise and they needed to grease up the tracks.
My initial question is of course who complained? Staff or passengers? Surely it could not been a passenger, they would simply have gotten ON a train and left the noisy platform before being able to make a complaint. Sure, someone could have heard the noise, decided this was just not acceptable and decided to go and find someone in a TFL jacket who did actually respond to verbal communication, made a complaint and made sure something was done about it. Considering it was 5.30pm on a weekday any passenger would most probably been on their way home after a depressing day at work and so it is highly unlikely that they would have gone through all this trouble when they simply could have just gotten on the train to avoid the noise. I am ruling passengers out.
Staff then. I am all for health and safety, no one should have to work in a potentially damaging environment. Luckily however there is a solution! Most people who find themselves in jobs which include high levels of decibel usually wear earplugs. These little pieces of squiggly material have been found to have an astonishing ability to block out noise.
One would have thought that since these high levels of noise would only cause damage to people who had to frequent the un-greased platforms for longer periods of time, which hopefully would exclude paying customers, shutting down the station for the benefit of the ONE TFL employee shouting “your next eastbound central line train is due in approximately 1 minute” (for the benefit of the blind people who so often use the underground as a mean of transportation) is somewhat of an overreaction considering the disruption this caused several thousands.
But oh no. Because leaving the platform unattended and only monitored by the 15 cctv cameras available simply would not be safe. Giving this poor employee some earplugs from the Boots store JUST OUTSIDE THE STATION for £1.50 would simply not do either. Oh no. We are closing down the station. Oh yes. Because that is the only option that makes sense.
Secondly it’s this brilliant rent-a-bike scheme which is costing me and you 57 million pounds. Rent-a-bike scheme are great, I grew up in a city with them and they are very handy. I’ve used them in Paris where it is your only way of getting anywhere after midnight. However there are a few flaws with the scheme as presented by TFL.
Firstly, they will not have locks. My initial thought was ok, I get it, TFL would have to spend loads of time and money unlocking loads of bikes after people loose the devise to open them or they forget them etc. It makes some kind of sense I suppose. But then the TFL managing director of surface transport, David Brown, opens his illogical gob and makes the following statement:
“We do not want to see a situation where we have bikes chained up to railings across Central London. They just look unsightly.”
Hmm ok.
Secondly, they will not be available outside of tube stations.
“To avoid queues forming to hire bikes, TfL has decided not to build any docking stations close to rail terminuses. It argues that the bikes would be too popular among rail commuters and that racks would almost always be empty, damaging the image of the scheme.”
As one commentator on timesonline.co.uk put it:
“So because they would be most useful outside rail stations, TFL aren't going to put them there, as more people would use them and the empty racks would spoil their image? Some people at TFL need some "special help", right now. Protecting them from being stolen is an eyesore?”
Thirdly, introducing 6,000 bikes for tourists and commuters in a city with absolutely no infrastructure suited for just bicycles could prove to be disastrous. THERE IS NOT ONE SINGLE BICYCLE LANE IN THIS WHOLE CITY!!!!!
Conclusion: TFL must either be full of Gibbos or they are just plain fucking stupid.
First there was the closing of Bank station at 5.30 pm on a weekday a few weeks ago, because the trains made too much noise and they needed to grease up the tracks.
My initial question is of course who complained? Staff or passengers? Surely it could not been a passenger, they would simply have gotten ON a train and left the noisy platform before being able to make a complaint. Sure, someone could have heard the noise, decided this was just not acceptable and decided to go and find someone in a TFL jacket who did actually respond to verbal communication, made a complaint and made sure something was done about it. Considering it was 5.30pm on a weekday any passenger would most probably been on their way home after a depressing day at work and so it is highly unlikely that they would have gone through all this trouble when they simply could have just gotten on the train to avoid the noise. I am ruling passengers out.
Staff then. I am all for health and safety, no one should have to work in a potentially damaging environment. Luckily however there is a solution! Most people who find themselves in jobs which include high levels of decibel usually wear earplugs. These little pieces of squiggly material have been found to have an astonishing ability to block out noise.
One would have thought that since these high levels of noise would only cause damage to people who had to frequent the un-greased platforms for longer periods of time, which hopefully would exclude paying customers, shutting down the station for the benefit of the ONE TFL employee shouting “your next eastbound central line train is due in approximately 1 minute” (for the benefit of the blind people who so often use the underground as a mean of transportation) is somewhat of an overreaction considering the disruption this caused several thousands.
But oh no. Because leaving the platform unattended and only monitored by the 15 cctv cameras available simply would not be safe. Giving this poor employee some earplugs from the Boots store JUST OUTSIDE THE STATION for £1.50 would simply not do either. Oh no. We are closing down the station. Oh yes. Because that is the only option that makes sense.
Secondly it’s this brilliant rent-a-bike scheme which is costing me and you 57 million pounds. Rent-a-bike scheme are great, I grew up in a city with them and they are very handy. I’ve used them in Paris where it is your only way of getting anywhere after midnight. However there are a few flaws with the scheme as presented by TFL.
Firstly, they will not have locks. My initial thought was ok, I get it, TFL would have to spend loads of time and money unlocking loads of bikes after people loose the devise to open them or they forget them etc. It makes some kind of sense I suppose. But then the TFL managing director of surface transport, David Brown, opens his illogical gob and makes the following statement:
“We do not want to see a situation where we have bikes chained up to railings across Central London. They just look unsightly.”
Hmm ok.
Secondly, they will not be available outside of tube stations.
“To avoid queues forming to hire bikes, TfL has decided not to build any docking stations close to rail terminuses. It argues that the bikes would be too popular among rail commuters and that racks would almost always be empty, damaging the image of the scheme.”
As one commentator on timesonline.co.uk put it:
“So because they would be most useful outside rail stations, TFL aren't going to put them there, as more people would use them and the empty racks would spoil their image? Some people at TFL need some "special help", right now. Protecting them from being stolen is an eyesore?”
Thirdly, introducing 6,000 bikes for tourists and commuters in a city with absolutely no infrastructure suited for just bicycles could prove to be disastrous. THERE IS NOT ONE SINGLE BICYCLE LANE IN THIS WHOLE CITY!!!!!
Conclusion: TFL must either be full of Gibbos or they are just plain fucking stupid.
Tuesday 17 February 2009
The Logic...
...is as always crystal clear when it comes to TFL.
Just as I got to Holborn station last night they shut the gates and started screaming. I had no idea what he or she was talking about so inquisitively minded as I am I ask the rude man with a walkie-talkie much to his delight.
Iit was overcrowding – I’m sure I have written a post about this overcrowding phenomena before so will leave it alone for now, it deserve a whole post on its own.
The reasons for the station closure the suddenly changed - it wasn’t overcrowding at all, in fact it was a faulty train in the tunnel between marble arch and oxford circus on the eastbound central line.
This conversation then followed:
TFL Lady: since there are no trains running on the eastbound central line we have closed the station for safety reasons because if you tell people they can’t go down
the eastbound platform that’s the platform they will go down to so for safety reasons we have to close the station.
Me (and a few others): So what’s wrong with the Piccadilly Line?
TFL Lady: There is nothing wrong with the Piccadilly Line.
Me (and a few others): So why can’t we use it?
TFL Lady: Because there is a broken down train between Marble Arch and Oxford Circus eastbound on the Central Line.
Puzzled looks being exchanged.
Me (alone): So if there is nothing wrong with the line I would like to get on it and go home, I pay a lot of money to get on it and go home.
TFL Lady: Yes but you pay a lot of money to get home safely.
Me (alone): I rather get home ON TIME.
A few things about this conversation struck me as odd apart from the obviously strange behaviour of TFL’s safety procedures, the lady actually said “if you tell people not to go down to the eastbound platform you sure as hell get everyone going down to the eastbound platform”. This statement makes me think TFL might have grossly misunderstood the reasons why people use their lovely service – we don’t use it for some kind of recreational purposes, we use it to get from A to B. Only people who need to go east from Holborn on the central line would in fact head that way. If they then realise there are no trains stopping there they will leave to find another way to get to B. As simple as that. All they would have to do is place that one rude person with a walkie-talkie in the entrance of the platform and voila: Problem Solved!
But oh no that would actually make sense…
Just as I got to Holborn station last night they shut the gates and started screaming. I had no idea what he or she was talking about so inquisitively minded as I am I ask the rude man with a walkie-talkie much to his delight.
Iit was overcrowding – I’m sure I have written a post about this overcrowding phenomena before so will leave it alone for now, it deserve a whole post on its own.
The reasons for the station closure the suddenly changed - it wasn’t overcrowding at all, in fact it was a faulty train in the tunnel between marble arch and oxford circus on the eastbound central line.
This conversation then followed:
TFL Lady: since there are no trains running on the eastbound central line we have closed the station for safety reasons because if you tell people they can’t go down
the eastbound platform that’s the platform they will go down to so for safety reasons we have to close the station.
Me (and a few others): So what’s wrong with the Piccadilly Line?
TFL Lady: There is nothing wrong with the Piccadilly Line.
Me (and a few others): So why can’t we use it?
TFL Lady: Because there is a broken down train between Marble Arch and Oxford Circus eastbound on the Central Line.
Puzzled looks being exchanged.
Me (alone): So if there is nothing wrong with the line I would like to get on it and go home, I pay a lot of money to get on it and go home.
TFL Lady: Yes but you pay a lot of money to get home safely.
Me (alone): I rather get home ON TIME.
A few things about this conversation struck me as odd apart from the obviously strange behaviour of TFL’s safety procedures, the lady actually said “if you tell people not to go down to the eastbound platform you sure as hell get everyone going down to the eastbound platform”. This statement makes me think TFL might have grossly misunderstood the reasons why people use their lovely service – we don’t use it for some kind of recreational purposes, we use it to get from A to B. Only people who need to go east from Holborn on the central line would in fact head that way. If they then realise there are no trains stopping there they will leave to find another way to get to B. As simple as that. All they would have to do is place that one rude person with a walkie-talkie in the entrance of the platform and voila: Problem Solved!
But oh no that would actually make sense…
Tuesday 10 February 2009
It IS your fault.
A piece of track became flooded this morning in the Potters Bar area. The compassionate lady in customer services said that the piece of track has become a bit of a pool and that they had discovered it around 6am this morning and then decided to implement an emergency timetable meaning no trains at any specific times. Grrrrrreat!
I rock up at Haringey station around 8.25 to be met by calm mayhem. People everywhere, no information and a massive queue in front of the one ticket window. I of course ignore the queue and asks the man when the next train is due. The answer is of course "I don’t know". He points to an A4 paper stuck on the ticket window which in font 10 explains that there has indeed been a flood in the Potters Bar area which means you will not be having a nice start to the morning. I then somewhat politely asks if he would mind perhaps calling someone to find out what the hell is going on as there is a difference between a train coming in the next five minutes and in half an hour especially at 8.30 in the morning when standing in the rain on a platform. So he did. He called and they told him there is a train coming in a few minutes.
I go back down to the platform and voila a train does come, but it is half a train and it is already so packed people have crammed into the “Private” areas of the train.
By this time I have been joined by a few other angry passengers who had been standing waiting for almost an hours seeing train after train go by with no chance of getting on them and we as in a somewhat less polite way when the next train will come. Then this little pissy person pipes up. “It’s not his fault”...
Oh there is nothing like those four magic words to really set me off in the morning. Actually it is his fault. He represent the company I pay (a fair amount as well) to take me to and from work. And he has failed to inform me that there will be no trains today and that I will have to find another way to get to work, i.e the company he works for will not be able to perform the services I pay for. Not only is it his fault, his attitude is the very reason I will not get to work on time this morning.
I inform my fellow passenger and the blond pissy person wearing a multicolour scarf that it is indeed his fault and if he and his other colleagues would take responsibility for their actions and inabilities and would be accountable for their failure to get me to work then maybe we would actually have some trains running on time. I got an applaud! Didn’t get me to work any quicker though.
But hey I am entitled to a £4 travel voucher to use on any national rail service but not the underground or towards a travel card. That's right you don't get your money back all you can claim back is a pissy coupon.
I rock up at Haringey station around 8.25 to be met by calm mayhem. People everywhere, no information and a massive queue in front of the one ticket window. I of course ignore the queue and asks the man when the next train is due. The answer is of course "I don’t know". He points to an A4 paper stuck on the ticket window which in font 10 explains that there has indeed been a flood in the Potters Bar area which means you will not be having a nice start to the morning. I then somewhat politely asks if he would mind perhaps calling someone to find out what the hell is going on as there is a difference between a train coming in the next five minutes and in half an hour especially at 8.30 in the morning when standing in the rain on a platform. So he did. He called and they told him there is a train coming in a few minutes.
I go back down to the platform and voila a train does come, but it is half a train and it is already so packed people have crammed into the “Private” areas of the train.
By this time I have been joined by a few other angry passengers who had been standing waiting for almost an hours seeing train after train go by with no chance of getting on them and we as in a somewhat less polite way when the next train will come. Then this little pissy person pipes up. “It’s not his fault”...
Oh there is nothing like those four magic words to really set me off in the morning. Actually it is his fault. He represent the company I pay (a fair amount as well) to take me to and from work. And he has failed to inform me that there will be no trains today and that I will have to find another way to get to work, i.e the company he works for will not be able to perform the services I pay for. Not only is it his fault, his attitude is the very reason I will not get to work on time this morning.
I inform my fellow passenger and the blond pissy person wearing a multicolour scarf that it is indeed his fault and if he and his other colleagues would take responsibility for their actions and inabilities and would be accountable for their failure to get me to work then maybe we would actually have some trains running on time. I got an applaud! Didn’t get me to work any quicker though.
But hey I am entitled to a £4 travel voucher to use on any national rail service but not the underground or towards a travel card. That's right you don't get your money back all you can claim back is a pissy coupon.
Tuesday 27 January 2009
A Tesco bag at Monument…again
I was not particularly surprised to find Monument station closed last night at quarter past six in the evening with people pouring out like hungry rats looking for food, I mean what other time could be more convenient.
I was of course intrigued and in the interest of research I felt compelled to brave the emergency message being shouted out over the PA system and ask the poor soul guarding the gate of danger what the hell was going on. I no longer have great hope of extracting any useful information from any TFL member of staff, I ask more out of principle and to see what creative excuse they have come up with this time.
As you might have guessed from the title of this post the answer was “some suspect package or something”. As much as I appreciate TFL’s consideration for our safety I found the situation itslef a bit suspect to say the least. If there was a real danger to our lives and a package of some sort had been found, which content I have a feeling I might get censored for writing in the same sentence as the tube, would they not at least inform all members of staff so they as well could make sure they stay safe, in the end information saves lives! Secondly the evacuation was so extremely disorganised one would hope TFL knew better if they were actually trying to save my life. Now it could be possible, and not the least surprising, if this is how TFL deals with a real threat to our safety but I am for a moment going to give them the benefit of the doubt (I just had a piece of chocolate so I blame the rush of endorphins running through my body).
I' guessing they found something somewhere and instead of evaluating the situation and making a proper risk analysis they decided that even if it’s just a tesco bag with the remains of the plastic once containing someone’s lunch it is worth letting thousands of passengers try to cram into another station and cause massive disruption to the circle and district line in the middle of rush hour. AND we’re going to do it in the most incompetent way possible.
Surely if you wanted to bl*w a station into pieces you would chose the significantly larger Bank station a 100 meters down the road especially since due to escalator refurbishment work there is no interchange between Bank and Monument station.
I was of course intrigued and in the interest of research I felt compelled to brave the emergency message being shouted out over the PA system and ask the poor soul guarding the gate of danger what the hell was going on. I no longer have great hope of extracting any useful information from any TFL member of staff, I ask more out of principle and to see what creative excuse they have come up with this time.
As you might have guessed from the title of this post the answer was “some suspect package or something”. As much as I appreciate TFL’s consideration for our safety I found the situation itslef a bit suspect to say the least. If there was a real danger to our lives and a package of some sort had been found, which content I have a feeling I might get censored for writing in the same sentence as the tube, would they not at least inform all members of staff so they as well could make sure they stay safe, in the end information saves lives! Secondly the evacuation was so extremely disorganised one would hope TFL knew better if they were actually trying to save my life. Now it could be possible, and not the least surprising, if this is how TFL deals with a real threat to our safety but I am for a moment going to give them the benefit of the doubt (I just had a piece of chocolate so I blame the rush of endorphins running through my body).
I' guessing they found something somewhere and instead of evaluating the situation and making a proper risk analysis they decided that even if it’s just a tesco bag with the remains of the plastic once containing someone’s lunch it is worth letting thousands of passengers try to cram into another station and cause massive disruption to the circle and district line in the middle of rush hour. AND we’re going to do it in the most incompetent way possible.
Surely if you wanted to bl*w a station into pieces you would chose the significantly larger Bank station a 100 meters down the road especially since due to escalator refurbishment work there is no interchange between Bank and Monument station.
Tuesday 13 January 2009
How many TFL staff does it take to change a light bulb…
None, it’s not their job clearly.
So Highbury and Islington station has been closed for two days due to a “lighting problem”. I find this exceptionally fascinating. Describing it as a “problem” would indicate that it is an unexpected fault leading to the lighting issues as opposed to a foreseen issue being dealt with say re-wiring. So I’m left guessing what the problem might be (I can confirm there is indeed a “problem” somewhere as the platform is pitch black), these are my speculations:
1. They put up all the light bulbs at the same time and now they have all gone out and it clearly takes quite a few TFL staff to get some new ones up.
2. There is a bigger general problem with the lighting such as the wiring and they need to re wire the whole place.
3. They are trying to cover something up and turning the lights out provides the cover they need. Now this obviously begs the question what could they possibly be covering up.
Now I’m convinced it is actually option one or possibly two. As stupid as it might seem I think they actually are struggling to change the light bulbs. Here’s why – if they were trying to cover something up surely they would come up with some better option that would get the people’s sympathy rather than using an excuse so dumb it will just piss people off even more. An excuse such as station closure due to rat infestation isn’t going to piss that many people off, most people will be quite glad they don’t stop at a rat infested station. It is more likely it’s something completely stupid and a problem easily foreseeable by someone with half a brain cell.
I wonder if they run the announcements through the PR and Legal teams before using them..
So Highbury and Islington station has been closed for two days due to a “lighting problem”. I find this exceptionally fascinating. Describing it as a “problem” would indicate that it is an unexpected fault leading to the lighting issues as opposed to a foreseen issue being dealt with say re-wiring. So I’m left guessing what the problem might be (I can confirm there is indeed a “problem” somewhere as the platform is pitch black), these are my speculations:
1. They put up all the light bulbs at the same time and now they have all gone out and it clearly takes quite a few TFL staff to get some new ones up.
2. There is a bigger general problem with the lighting such as the wiring and they need to re wire the whole place.
3. They are trying to cover something up and turning the lights out provides the cover they need. Now this obviously begs the question what could they possibly be covering up.
Now I’m convinced it is actually option one or possibly two. As stupid as it might seem I think they actually are struggling to change the light bulbs. Here’s why – if they were trying to cover something up surely they would come up with some better option that would get the people’s sympathy rather than using an excuse so dumb it will just piss people off even more. An excuse such as station closure due to rat infestation isn’t going to piss that many people off, most people will be quite glad they don’t stop at a rat infested station. It is more likely it’s something completely stupid and a problem easily foreseeable by someone with half a brain cell.
I wonder if they run the announcements through the PR and Legal teams before using them..
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